It is 4:27 am and this is where I am at, battling yet another night of waking and then insomnia. I have begun to dread going to bed at night. Sleeplessness has intensified all the ugliness of my personality and that which I can normally hide under a calm visage has surfaced during the day so that I reek of foulness. The anger. The lost temper. The unkind words spoken hastily. The feelings of discontent. The lack of prayer in my life. I could offer oh so many excuses but really there are none. Too much of me, too many desires and attachments, and not enough of Christ. Please pray for me.
This is not really a poem but a prayer of Mother Teresa's which she prayed daily. "Take the trouble to pray," Mother Teresa said, because "prayer makes the heart large enough until it can contain God's gift of Himself."
Deliver me, O Jesus,
From the desire of being loved,
From the desire of being extolled,
From the desire of being honored,
From the desire of being praised,
From the desire of being preferred,
From the desire of being consulted,
From the desire of being approved,
From the desire of being popular,
From the fear of being humiliated,
From the fear of being despised,
From the fear of suffering rebukes,
From the fear of being culminated,
From the fear of being forgotten,
From the fear of being wronged,
From the fear of being ridiculed,
From the fear of being suspected.
PS
If you have a minute, I found this post entitled "Wrestling," through a friend's blog during my time of being awake. Thoughts near to my heart.
8 comments:
How beautiful.
It is hard to be a Christian and exaustion shows just so how hard it is.
God is with us and He is merciful...
Hugs.
Wow, what a prayer! It stabbed me in the gut. Also, that insightful "Wrestling" post you linked to - it stabbed me in the gut also. Let's just say you've got me thinking quite a bit, and repenting, quite a bit. What could be more valuable than a friend who not only loves you unconditionally but spurs you on to salvation? I am blessed, indeed! : )
I am terribly sorry about your insomnia. I get it all the time too and it really kicks me in the arse - makes a real bear out of me. What won't kill us makes us stronger, right?
You are an amazing mom!
Oh my dear friend. I'm so sorry you're struggling. Doesn't sound too far off from my recent days as well.... And yes, I will pray for you. When we don't have the strength, the means, etc, to pray for ourselves what else is the body of Christ for, other than to pray for each other. I will I will. And yes, we should move much closer together. Maybe start a commune :-) With lots of books and organic gardening. And glass bottles of course!
Amazing prayer from an amazing lady.
Thanks for sharing - and hope you can get in a nap today.
~Michelle
That's a beautiful poem! It meets me right where I need it! Thanks for sharing it!
Insomnia brings out the worst in me - I truly empathize with your sleeplessness. If you haven't tried it already, give 2 benadryl a shot. Good luck.
Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. Despite being desperately tired (though the benadryl did kick in and I slept until 7:30), our day was good. We even found some time to make two loaves of bread. And my terrific husband stayed up until 12:30 and folded a literal mound of laundry and put it all away. Too sweet.
What beautiful words. I may need to add this to my daily prayers as well. While insomnia is not exactly my problem, I too have suffered from too little sleep the past few weeks and can relate to feeling extremely grumpy, especially with those closest to me. I hope you are feeling better soon.
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